she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He? As in you personified your dick?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
