I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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