How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
