well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
