It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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