i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
