I'm pants shitting drunk right now
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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