i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
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The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
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Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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