scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
