Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
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