Your mouth is God's brothel.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
