I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Randomize
