maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
only you would photoshop your dick
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
