I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
