we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
