Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
