Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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