I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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