You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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