Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
