It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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