I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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