im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
