She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night