And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
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Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
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She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background