My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
