Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
