ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
