For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
