I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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