Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
