When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
