my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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