I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
