why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
