i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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