He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
