I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
