It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
