Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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