There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
