i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
