I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
