he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
