Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
