I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
