o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
