i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
