If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
