the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
