i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
