Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
as a side note pls kill me
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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