Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
