My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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