she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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