I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
