I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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