Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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