do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
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Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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