and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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