That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The beers last night were like the tears from god
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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