I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Bring me that man meat
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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