i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
