yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
