he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
