it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
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She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
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female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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