lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
