Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
