Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
