help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
