i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
