I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
