Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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