I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
