What a fucking waste of an outfit
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
