Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
