TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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