Do you still have your period?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize