ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
