remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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