My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
